Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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