I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
