Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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