You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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