Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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