My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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