He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
