Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i've created a new STD.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
