Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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