just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
