I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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