Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I've blown a few things in my day
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
