He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The adults are the big ones right?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
