I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
