today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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