I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
