Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
