you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I have tasted many bathrooms
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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