I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
