pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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