i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
