why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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