And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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