Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
