Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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