If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
