There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
