Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
