he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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