we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
