Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
