I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
