doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
