my mouth tastes like poor choices
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
