Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
