Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
