i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
This show inspires me to have sex in space
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
