forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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