I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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