She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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