I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
