i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
