the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
