Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
