are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
