So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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