ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
