His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
