turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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