I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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