i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
