apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
