I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
